Thursday, June 21, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Missing a purr
Here I sit, suffering from insomnia once again. I have been going to bed by 9pm for so long that the past few weeks of insomnia seem really foreign to me. I guess I've only had a few bouts of insomnia in my life, and typically get 8-9 hours of sleep a night. I can't sleep.
We lost our cat 3 weeks ago. He is the first pet I have lost as an adult. We lost a couple pets growing up, but frankly, I don't remember how difficult it was or how long I mourned. I am having an absolutely horrendous time with our little buddy's passing. Beady. Real name: Morpheous.
He bit and scratched my mother and my father, my friend Robb, and my friend Kelly. He adored my friend Melissa. He never warmed up to Zane. He would let Zane carry him around, but would never come up to Zane on his own. He thought the dog was the stupidest thing ever (true). He made some of the weirdest noises. His meow was not one you would ever forget.
He was hungry. And I don't mean that he just ate a lot. I mean, he begged...like a dog. We were never truly able to train him to stay off the table. Sure, we'd shove him off as soon as he jumped up, but he still jumped up. Every.Single.Meal. And begged.
He liked to be held when it was his idea or when it wasn't for long. But, when he wanted to lay in my lap, I had better do everything in my power to make sure it was available. Because he loved it. And he would stay for hours. Having a lap cat...and then losing a lap cat...is really hard. My lap is empty.
It's been 22 days ad I think about him constantly. How he used to sit at the top of the banister and look out the front door windows waiting for his dad to get home. He would hear his truck turn on to the street, jump down and run across the living room to the mantle, jump on the mantle to look out the little side window and when daddy pulled in the driveway he was waiting at the door to greet him.
He always sat in the bathroom during our showers. And would purr and rub around our ankles when we got out. He would follow us (either of us, both of us, whoever) into the bedroom, jump on the bed and purr the loudest and most wonderful purr and we would pet him until he had enough. He always got first smell of the freshly showered mommy and daddy. Even after the dog came along and tried to get the smells...Beady was first. That was our tradition.
He was so happy during the after shower pettings that if he wasn't ready for you to stop, he would gently bite your hand if you stopped. As if to say "hey mom, I'm not satisfied yet". He and his brother were best friends. During the winter, and really only during the winter, they would sleep with us. Well, they would sleep ON me. I was usually trapped all night by 2 large cats curled up together between my legs. That's ok. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
I could go on and on about his unique personality. I could also go into what it was like the last few weeks with him. I could also write about the last day, last hours, burying him, and the hours and days after, but I won't.
I am truly devastated about his death. I think about him constantly. I have feelings of guilt. I should have brought him to the vet sooner. I should have tried harder to force feed him. I should have taken him to the vet earlier in the day, the day he died. Maybe there would have been something, anything, they could do to save him. I have guilt. I don't know if this is normal. I miss him so much. It is very painful.
I told my husband that this has been harder than losing any of the relatives and friends I have lost. He understands. He is devastated too. Beady was, after all, his cat. He said that it's different because we saw Beady every day. And that makes perfect sense. Every day for nearly 13 years and then...gone. It leaves a huge void. It seems so empty in our house without our little buddy.
RIP Sweetie Petey Beady Pie. I love you and miss you so much.
We lost our cat 3 weeks ago. He is the first pet I have lost as an adult. We lost a couple pets growing up, but frankly, I don't remember how difficult it was or how long I mourned. I am having an absolutely horrendous time with our little buddy's passing. Beady. Real name: Morpheous.
He bit and scratched my mother and my father, my friend Robb, and my friend Kelly. He adored my friend Melissa. He never warmed up to Zane. He would let Zane carry him around, but would never come up to Zane on his own. He thought the dog was the stupidest thing ever (true). He made some of the weirdest noises. His meow was not one you would ever forget.
He was hungry. And I don't mean that he just ate a lot. I mean, he begged...like a dog. We were never truly able to train him to stay off the table. Sure, we'd shove him off as soon as he jumped up, but he still jumped up. Every.Single.Meal. And begged.
He liked to be held when it was his idea or when it wasn't for long. But, when he wanted to lay in my lap, I had better do everything in my power to make sure it was available. Because he loved it. And he would stay for hours. Having a lap cat...and then losing a lap cat...is really hard. My lap is empty.
It's been 22 days ad I think about him constantly. How he used to sit at the top of the banister and look out the front door windows waiting for his dad to get home. He would hear his truck turn on to the street, jump down and run across the living room to the mantle, jump on the mantle to look out the little side window and when daddy pulled in the driveway he was waiting at the door to greet him.
He always sat in the bathroom during our showers. And would purr and rub around our ankles when we got out. He would follow us (either of us, both of us, whoever) into the bedroom, jump on the bed and purr the loudest and most wonderful purr and we would pet him until he had enough. He always got first smell of the freshly showered mommy and daddy. Even after the dog came along and tried to get the smells...Beady was first. That was our tradition.
He was so happy during the after shower pettings that if he wasn't ready for you to stop, he would gently bite your hand if you stopped. As if to say "hey mom, I'm not satisfied yet". He and his brother were best friends. During the winter, and really only during the winter, they would sleep with us. Well, they would sleep ON me. I was usually trapped all night by 2 large cats curled up together between my legs. That's ok. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
I could go on and on about his unique personality. I could also go into what it was like the last few weeks with him. I could also write about the last day, last hours, burying him, and the hours and days after, but I won't.
I am truly devastated about his death. I think about him constantly. I have feelings of guilt. I should have brought him to the vet sooner. I should have tried harder to force feed him. I should have taken him to the vet earlier in the day, the day he died. Maybe there would have been something, anything, they could do to save him. I have guilt. I don't know if this is normal. I miss him so much. It is very painful.
I told my husband that this has been harder than losing any of the relatives and friends I have lost. He understands. He is devastated too. Beady was, after all, his cat. He said that it's different because we saw Beady every day. And that makes perfect sense. Every day for nearly 13 years and then...gone. It leaves a huge void. It seems so empty in our house without our little buddy.
RIP Sweetie Petey Beady Pie. I love you and miss you so much.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)